A POEM - LEAVING EGYPT

I have lived in Egypt for three years. It has been a turbulent time, both for me and for  the country. Shortly before leaving I sat on a hotel roof in Zamalek above the Nile reflecting on my departure. This poem emerged from these thoughts - a rag-bag of impressions,  sadness, irritation and affection. It was written very quickly and I have left it more, or less, as scribbled. It's an attempt to express something  of how I feel about the country that has given me so much, and taken so much. 

Like a lover, Egypt, you have broken my heart so many times
leaving
returning
leaving
returning
I ate your sand, your molakeya, your dates.
Your hot winds burned me.
I plunged your Red Sea
touched its coral gardens, 
 its brash neon fish,
watched stars sink into your  deserts,
hid behind doors 
when your people marched – one voice in chains,
caught hems on barbed wire nests,
walked with cats through silent curfews
around barriers up, your guns pointing.
In twilight's pale, I watched your pigeons,
unfolding flocks, wheel home -
that place where love and grief is.
Heard your old gods calling
from their broken shrines.
“Kefayah, kefayah.”

I swam your Nile,
lay in its arms
all night afloat,
dived its drinking dark.
You took me in.
Travelling south, the long roads,
scent of Africa- a perfumed bride
among the palms.
Heard your music in the reeds,
enchantment in the oud,
a woman chanting on a roof,
the squeal of brakes,
a timeless, tuneless adhan.
Walked unlit streets with my landless love.
Watched your dogs feast
 on old falafel, chips and bones,
curl on car roofs,
bark: This is our place.
Our home. Coming and going
like prayers from a minaret.
Where else can we go?

LETTER FROM AN UNBELIEVER TO A BELIEVER

Dear Believer, 

I have lived in your (predominantly Muslim) country for three years and during that time I have    been  referred to  as an Unbeliever by yourself and other Believers, and more recently,  people have shouted  'Infidel' at me in the streets.  As you know they all  mean much the same..ie a person l who does not believe in Islam. The word translates into Arabic as Kafir. The use  of the word 'infidel' takes us a bit further down the unbelieving road, and refers  to people who have no religion at all. God forbid!

The distinction between Believer and Unbeliever is a dangerous one. It has become  the deciding factor  for who keeps his/her head,  or loses  it. Like racial supremacy, it sets the superiority of one group over another. To dismiss the beliefs of others by calling them  Unbelievers as if they have no beliefs at all, and that only yours count, dehumanizes. White supremacy has the same effect.

I have the Quran on my kindle - a translation by Marmaduke Pikthall  which has been upheld by various Islamic scholars. I sweep my finger randomly to one page and immediately read, '127: That he may cut off a part of those who disbelieve, or overwhelm them so that they retire frustrated.....' Friendly stuff.

 Despite a few  verses citing that Allah can be Merciful and Forgiving when he's in a good mood,  you will know  that  the point is driven home  even   further  by108  more verses  calling on Muslims to kill, mutilate and fight with Unbelievers, particularly in the later writings of the Quran when your prophet was getting stuck into power, expansion, war and its booty.   You are  commanded to chop off heads and fingers of unbelievers and kill them  wherever they may be hiding. I am grateful that you haven't, although there are other Believers who are carrying this out to the letter. According to your book, the unbelieving are in a no-win situation. Even if they  manage to keep their heads in this life, they will be barbecued in the next.  Must have been tough being a Jew, Christian or pagan when Mecca's  young upstart religion emerged. Before that time, they all lived as kinsmen. Religion took second place to tribal allegiances.

I have lived amongst Believers, and none  of them have threatened to chop off my head or fingers, or crucify me, as your prophet and Allah have advocated.  I've appreciate this, along with the warmth and love that has been shown to me by many Believers. However, history shows   that Christian communities in the Middle East have always been under threat because there have always been those, like ISIS etc,  who take these verses literally.(I note that you do not call these 'literalists', Unbelievers, but refer to them as non-Muslims, as if part of them is still connected to Islam. Once a Believer always a Believer whether you like it or not.) Today, Middle Eastern  Christians are  crucified, tortured, beheaded and forced to leave their homes. Smelling blood, the Jews left years ago.

I've had many conversations with mild and decent Believers, like yourself, who seem to work on the  assumption that without an unchallengeable celestial dictatorship I have no moral compass. The less  mild tell me that my 'unbelief' will end in tears and the burning flames of hell. You all assume   I am a Christian, and fall silent when I say I am not. What am I then? Well, I dont have a religion. So, you assume I am an atheist, but I tell you I am  agnostic, and you fall silent and look at me as if I have fallen from the moon. An agnostic does not believe in god or disbelieve in it.  Non-belief is not quite un-belief. Please keep that in mind.

 Yes, you are right. I  unbelieve…

• I don’t believe  I have been conceived in sin and have a duty to a stern creator.
• I don’t believe I am the part of a divine heavenly plan. 
• I do not believe I can only do a right action from fear of diviner retribution, or a hope for divine reward 
• I don’t believe we are the centre of the universe and everything is created with us in mind.
• I do not believe that any divine creative force is an intervening or redeeming one.
• I do not believe in any celestial despot that subjects us to continual surveillance and  regards us as their private property, even after we’ve snuffed it.  
• I do not believe in 'Divine Revelation' 
• I don’t  believe in the Tooth Fairy any more.  

 My beliefs are as valid as yours even though, as you keep reminding me,  I do  not believe in what you believe. My beliefs  reflect my own spiritual, mystical and human journey, my unique response to this world, my personal connection to humanity. 

I believe in the marvels of science and the beauty of nature, the consolation and irony of philosophy , the infinite spendours of literature, art, music, poetry and architecuture  that aim for the sublime.  In these I feel an awe and magnificence that  connects me to a wider humanity and reinforces my belief in   the Oneness of our existence. The great thinkers.writers and poets of the ages  sustain  me; Socrates, Aristotle, John Stuart Mill, David Hume, Omar Khayoum,Spinoza, Simone Weil, Simone de Beauvoir, Rumi etc  I may not agree with everything they say,  but their thoughts have challenged and inspired me to question the messianic bilge I was force fed as a child. 

Over four hundred years ago, Shakespeare wrote more compassionately on the trials and tribulations of  the human condition than any holy book or so called prophet.  His wit, wisdom and humanity subscribes to the idea that we are all imperfect and that there is no Absolute Truth. My spirituality is an ongoing quest and I find my 'spiritual food' in the most unexpected  of places.  . 

I believe that religion is a man-made response prompted by a fear   of death's likely oblivion and darkness. The religious medieval dogma  that you and over a  billion others choose to live by, repels me

I believe in the profound power of love.

 I have tried to understand your beliefs, but  have you tried to understand mine? They might   pose a number of questions you may not want to ask yourself. The answers could leave you grappling with what you consider  scientific 'heresies'  and  spiritual insights that could cut off your scriptural life support system. I don't care for the Catholic Church, but it has at least acceeded to Darwin's theory of evoution, stating that it does not contradict the idea of divine creation. All rational, scientific evidence turns Adam and Eve to fiction, yet even the most educated and intelligent of Believers will hang on to this fairy tale. The Ancient Greeks; Pythagoras (570 - 495 BC), Aristotle (384 - 322 BC) and Hipparchus (190 - 120 BC) all knew this. Apparently Mohammed didn't. 

 He didn't know the shape of the earth either, despite a direct link to its creator. In the Quran, 20:53 and 15:19 Allah declared the earth to be flat even though it was thought to be round for thousands of years. You have mentioned that the Quran states the earth is egg shaped...and indeed, surah and verse  79:33 translates as such. The word 'dahaha' is used and does mean 'egg shaped' but it also means an expanse and fits in with earlier references to a flat earth. Can god afford to be so ambiguous and ignorant?

I believe the earth is round. Don't you?

You are a highly intelligent Believer, but I have yet to meet any human being who is remotely qualified to say that he/she understands or knows the mind of god. Yet you claim to do so. The existence of a deity remains   neither disproved or proved. You say you cannot prove your statements but that I would believe if I  recognised that  the 'truth' in my heart has been corrupted by my intellect.

I cannot accept an alliance of intellectual and moral perversion which is perveyed with an arrogance and intolerance that labels me an Unbeliever, and which qualifies Believers to look upon me with pity and disdain. Indeed, Unbelievers have been killed throughout history for their unbelieving, and still are. The Christian Catholic Church were efficient in their torture and murder of those they considered Unbelievers and who undermined its beliefs.

I suggest you edit the Quran (it does go on a bit) and remove all the 108 verses that were written when people were mainly illiterate and  thought the world was flat and  did not know our planet orbited a lesser star in an huge cosmos that exploded into existence. They  knew nothing of physics, biology, etc. Muhammed was a wiley politician and businessman  for his time,  but that time has long passed. Desert dogma and the mindset of Arab religious imperialism fostered by a Meccan merchant 1,500 years ago, are  not compatible with  the science, complexities and human rights of the 21st century. It counters the holy grail of democracy - equality and scuppers human rights.

We can no longer share our planet divided between those who believe they have the Absolute Truth and those who don't. The evidence in the destruction and lives lost is already apparent.

Best wishes from an Unbeliever.

  

 

 

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF RAMADAN

 

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The first day of Ramadan  is a bit like Christmas or Diwali. Families gather to break the fast and eat together. There's a feeling of festivity and many of the streets are  decorated with streamers, fronds of silver paper and coloured lights. Houses are cleaned and the shops are full of people buying food ready for the Iftar (the breakfast which is at 6 in the afternoon) It is a time when Muslims reaffirm their allegiance to Islam and focus on the spiritual side of life. It brings the community and families together. People read the entire Quran during this month - (the Ladies carriage on the Metro is now full of earnest women  bent over small leatherbound Qurans, missing their stops.). 

I walked home last night  at about 2.45 am and bumped into  a man  yelling through a megaphone urging  everyone to get up and eat before they went to the mosque for 3.30 prayers. He  was even naming people in the neighbourhood to get them out of bed. He's a sort of Ramadan alarm and is called el-mesahrati. Reminded me of when I was a little girl at Butlins holiday camp and we were woken every morning with the megaphoned screech of "Wakey, Wakey rise and shine campers." I also felt a slight chill - as if Big Brother was watching me. In Ramadan,the all-knowing, all-seeing Allah is  more ubiquitous than usual.

The second day  I fasted for Ramadan. I have aways felt that you cannot live in a country and not try to understand what the people around you are experiencing. After all, in the UK most Muslims celebrate Christmas and the Muslim Christmases which are often more Christmasy than normal. In Egypt people are not eating from the 3.30 am call to prayers until 6 pm. I went to the gym and swam and exercised and by the time I came out was dying of thirst in the heat and had a very bad headache. In the evening I gathered with my partner's  family to eat together. Juices and food were prepared. This meal is called Iftar, breakfast. Dinner is much later before the 3.30 call to prayers. On my way to the flat people were rushing to get to their families to eat together. This will go on every day for a month until Eid. Until then  people will try to keep their thoughts pure. Married couples can only have sex during the fast break.

To an outsider like me,  if you take away the festivities,  Ramadan has  a sinister undercurrent. It is an annual,  month long refresher course in Islam, reinforcing the  foundations of childhood learning, which, akin to Catholicism, relies heavily on repetitive brainwashing techniques. All alcohol outlets are shut for the month,  and  Muslims who do not fast can be ostracised and treated with suspicion as "atheists," or, as other works of the devil...I know of several  people who have been sacked from their jobs for not fasting. (Children, the ill, nursing mothers and the  elderly, are exempt). 

 It is a spiritual obstacle course, testing its followers to the limit. Going without water for 17 hours, each day for a month in Egypt's heat  is no joke. Eating a heavy meal as late as 2 or 3 am is known to affect the body's  metabolism and  liver for the worst.  I wouldn't ask my worst enemy to do it.

But this is   a time which bonds the community and it has made me realise that this level of spirituality and community/family focus is missing in the West. Easter in the old days is probably the closest we came to it. Christmas has become a consumer fest. It would be nice to have something similar, but secular. It would be a period of time devoted each year to peace, equality and tolerance. It would be international, spiritual but non religious and a celebration of difference.it would involve the sharing of food, street parties, communal activities such as prayer and meditation and discussion, story telling. Every creed, colour, and sexual persuasion would participate and be brought together to reflect and commit to peace, equality and tolerance. Just a thought.